There are so many reasons to visit Hogemont University and apply, Christopher. Here are a few things you may not know about Hogemont that might just surprise you.

» By providing a variety of specific, in-depth subjects such as Attendence-Required Lecture on Druid Puns and Sculpting Anime Characters out of Yarn, Hogemont enjoys student-teacher ratios as low as 0:1. However, students are also able to experience the big-campus life in broader topic courses such as History of Things That Have Happened.

» Famous alumni include three Rhodes scholars, two MacArthur “Genius” Grant winners, five Jeopardy! contestants, and Goku.

» We've made Hogemont's application process so easy, you don't have to pay fees, write any essays, submit test scores, meet deadlines, or give any personal information to apply. Pretty much you just yell your first name in front of the admissions office and cross your fingers.

» A Hogemont student is guaranteed to have coffee, lunch, or dinner with one of their professors at least once before they graduate. This is because over 70% of Hogemont professors work part-time at nearby coffee and fast-food franchises.

» Greek Life is present on campus, but there's no pressure to join, fag.

» Hogemont University is located in quaint Pettimond Springs, NH, just a train ride away from all the great party cities in New Hampshire.

» At Hogemont, we strongly believe a liberal arts education is key to the intellectual stimulation of any young scholar. That's why we mention this at least 15 times whenever we print a pamphlet or hold an information session.

» Aside from our excellent varsity sport programs, we offer a variety of intramural sports, which are like varsity except there are no uniforms or fans and you play against the people on your team every week. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

» We have an inter-library loan system! Conveniently located at Borders.

» Here's a list of graduate schools people from our university attended last year: blah blah blah illinois bllauuhhghh blah blah vassar blah blargh kentucky blah northwestern blah HARVARD HERE IT IS, YUP, HARVARD IS ON THE LIST blah blah sarah lawrence

» Hogemont is well-revered as having one of the most diverse campuses in the nation. In fact, we're fucking filled with black people.

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             God fucking damnit

At around midnight on October 25, a guard at the Duluth Sector Direction Center saw a figure climbing the security fence. He shot at it, and activated the "sabotage alarm." This automatically set off sabotage alarms at all bases in the area. At Volk Field, Wisconsin, the alarm was wrongly wired, and the Klaxon sounded which ordered nuclear armed F-106A interceptors to take off. The pilots knew there would be no practice alert drills while DEFCON 3 was in force, and they believed World War III had started.

Immediate communication with Duluth showed there was an error. By this time aircraft were starting down the runway. A car raced from command center and successfully signaled the aircraft to stop. The original intruder was a bear.

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— 1 <who would, portentously serve the clan, wood who Wilson wyl-e-coyote! ra, mplert! yo-yo judicision rippedjeans girl language: the speak prophecy; chi'dlike, beehives forest patrol the sickening motion. Trout bellow beneath my toes. Fucking Faggots. Quess what? words that need no emphasis, but of a certain kind: succulent fair-natured wildebeast! rascal swine; the trickster unsheathed, notated burning lolitarations of stogue xenography. Audations, loquaciously lillypaths sad song world gypsie  tould burnt codcoals like so many oils in each hand. I've never seen anything like it